PERCEPTION: SHAKE YOUR GROOVE THANG

When a little Hispanic dude sporting a mullet pretends to be gay so his mentally-ill lover will buy him store items the world tilts on its axis and upsets the balance of general population.

“You can’t do something like that in prison,” my classroom tutor says, “and expect others to think you’re straight.”

In an unrelated incident, and with dramatic flare, another mentally-ill prisoner tears off his shirt and tries to hang himself on a tree limb so small a squirrel wouldn’t climb on it and sadly enough no one hurries to rescue the desperate man as he binds his shirt around flesh and branch. He simply wants to feel the pain of his former partner’s rejection and profess his undying love during the failed attempt at gaining an audience. Luckily, once the walkway clears the officers run to his aid and untangle him.

As for the little mullet-head, when his lover figures out he’s been had, a confrontation ensues. Fortunately (or unfortunately—depending on who you side with), the mullet-head has his posse of Latin Counts waiting in the wing. Still, my classroom tutor’s observation holds true: with all the sexual predators prowling the prison yard, it’s only a matter of time before prison justice will rear its ugly head.

“I’m not a homosexual,” I’ve heard the mullet-head tell others as he navigates the school hallways. He hasn’t learned that in the joint perception trumps reality 24-7.