The number one prisoner excuse for not attending Adult Basic Education Class, for not consistently trying to improve one’s academic skills (and for reasons near and dear to me) is: “I have to call my lawyer.” And why shouldn’t that be an excused absence? Heck, I’ve missed work to meet with my attorney; so, when an inmate makes $0.59 a day to sit in class and a lawyer charges roughly $250.00 per hour to communicate, all this prisoner talk about the need for legal advice, regardless of the disproportionate amount of income / outcome, must REALLY REALLY REALLY BE IMPORTANT. Of course, you know as well as I do that 99.99% of the time these prisoners are lying. Reminds me of a story I once read by former-convict-teacher-turned-author Davey Rothbart titled, “Lie Big.”
Anyway …
While going through the divorce process, the best man at my
wedding, who is studying for his juris doctorate, shared a wealth of
information regarding family law. Can’t beat a little free advice when your
savings account is hemorrhaging and you’ve been denied access to your house. Unfortunately,
now that the divorce decree is here, now that I’ve done what my hired lawyer
called “stopped the bleed,” a few loose ends are in need of tourniquets. For
instance, I followed the court order to have a third party lawyer mediate the
settlement; whereas, the plaintiff did not. Yet, due to the plaintiff’s “show
cause” motion regarding yours truly paying a dental bill on—of all things—his
teeth, I had decided enough is enough and chose to settle instead of going back
to court. Thus, I did not use the mediator’s services, thus a refund seemed
reasonable, if not logical; however, the mediator would only return one-third
of the money.
I guess it’s what I get for following court orders. So now
my lawyer suggests we meet to discuss this latest “injustice,” and since she’s single, and since
I’m thinking the whole judicial process is a joke, we’d be better off having
dinner and drinks … on me of course… it’d
be a hell of a lot cheaper too.
God is it great to be free!
5 comments:
... maybe you could smooth talk that lawyer of yours into waving the attorney fees. i think you have an excellet strategy!
"Lawyers are like other people--fools on the average; but it is easier for an ass to succeed in that trade than any other." Sam Clemens from Hannibal.
P.S. Let her buy you dinner.I don't think you'll be getting your money back.
Hey JR I don't always agree with Samuel but at least you've been freed from a major bottom feeder. That's worth celebrating everyday. Happy Halloween. Huck
Well gives a whole new meaning to practicing law. Has the similiar qualities of proctology.
Just depends on the depth of their findings.
Enjoyed the read JR. Glad to know you are celebrating. MW
And to the last sentiment, huzzah ~~!
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