4/2/11

THERAPY IN A COFFEE SHOP




  
I met my other therapist a few days ago—not the professionally trained degreed woman skilled at tossing reflexive questions my way—no, I met a Detroit poet at a coffee shop and he said something to the affect of “Smile motherfucker” before snapping this mugshot. He also gave me his son’s Darth-Vader talking-head-stick with four buttons to push when confronted about marital assets or other trivial possessions accumulated over the years of one’s marriage:

Button one: “I had enough.”
Button two: “Don’t underestimate the force.”
Button three: What is thy bidding, my master?”
Button four: “I want them alive!”

I haven’t been served my divorce papers, or whatever they’re called nowadays, but through that magical portal called the internet I discovered the following “Non-April Fool’s Day” filing/charges against yours truly, the listed defendant:

Ex Parte Order for Status Quo – SGD
Ex Parte Mutual Preliminary Injunction Order – SGD
Record of Divorce/Annulment Received
Summons Issued (Expires 7/5/11)
Complaint/Petition Filed
Entry Fee $150.00
.

So the process of wiping out 18 years of marriage will soon be nothing more than court proceedings instead of the personal explanation of “I can’t make you happy.” I’m not sure what that means, but I’ll store it in my memory bank alongside “I don’t hate you, I just don’t love you” and “You’re an excellent father.”

My buttons have been pushed these past few days and I’m trying to hold my head up and move forward. Running every day seems to help.

In case you’re wondering who that Detroit poet is it’s none-other than Mark C. Durfee, author of The Line Between and Stink. He offered me all kinds of retaliatory options, knowing I’d never act on them. “That isn’t your style,” he said, “you have too much care and concern within you. Your petty meanness is stolen from you at your job and she (meaning “my wife”) is fortunate for that, it makes it easy to target you with what she perceives as your failings.”

I’d like to thank Mark for those free sessions. I can’t help but think about my very own “line between”—a reference he made to that short dash on one’s grave-marker, how it represents all our actions between life and death, and I can only hope that my good deeds outweigh my faults.

13 comments:

ivan@creativewriting.ca: said...

Strange as it may seem, sometimes nice guys finish first!

...And I'm sure there is no better therapist than Mark.

Anonymous said...

Hey Jim it will get better. When I got divorced
I moved into a "hip" loft and started dating 21 y/o's lol
No better revenge than running into the ex with
A HOT young lady on your arm!

C... said...

Trust me ... nice people do finish first. I put up with crap from my ex and now he's going through a 3rd divorce and he's still broke. Karma is a bitch - actually I don't think it's karma... it's just he can't bullshit his way through the crap he tries to pile high and deep and it's falling all over him now. LOL

Erik Donald France said...

Kinder words are rarely spoken in this otherwise cruel world. Salud, JR~ keep on keeping on~

Charles Gramlich said...

Not sure any of us have enough good deeds to outweigh our faults. But life can still work out ok for us anyway.

the walking man said...

Charles, A simple act of kindness covers a multitude of sins. I doubt you have much need to fear any form of hell except at grading time.

I have been called a lot of shit Jim but never a therapist---hell if I was all that you'd be full of coffee and smoking a pack a day by now. hahahah

"LUUUKE listen to the force."

All that legal shit I am sure is pretty boilerplate you have to continue on doing everything the way you have been doing it until you get in front of the judge and not go out and spend a boatload of $$$ on pleasure. I am not sure but I thing the SGD means the injunctions have been signed

Anonymous said...

Hey JR I saw quite a few marathons in Macomb County advertised in todays paper. Keep your head up. You are in great shape. I am envious. 6-8 miles a day is incredible. You can only pat yourself on the back for that. You have inspired me to walk six miles a day. Hope to start running as well but will not be able to keep your pace. Your writings are yours as well, and unique. Peace for now. MW

jodi said...

JR-your last post made me so sad that I could not even comment. There really are no words anyways, just ears. Now that I am home, I would love to meet with you and Mark or just you for coffee. I am a great ear and have a womans perspective. Anytime, bud.

JR's Thumbprints said...

Thanks everyone. I'm at a loss for words. Thanks for caring. I've been told I don't communicate and when I finally let go of what's bothering me, instead of working through the problem, I get slammed with a divorce. If I had remained silent I wonder how long my marriage would've lasted: 20, 25, 30 years? I'm puzzled by it all. I truly thought we'd grow old together.

the walking man said...

Dude don't get your hopes up but it may yet ...the papers aren't even in your hand and they certainly are not signed. there is that 6 month cooling off period where everyone is forced to contemplate and get legal advice.

Lana Gramlich said...

Hey, hon. I'm sorry I haven't been by your blog lately--I've just been so swamped with other things. I did hear the bad news, however. I was shocked & greatly saddened. I wish there was something that I could say or do, but alas...
Regardless, know that you're in my thoughts. Please let me know if there's ever anything I can do (even if it's just letting you vent.) I'm so sorry, hon. *hug* :(

Anonymous said...

You don't need (or probably want) my advice, but I just want to say one small thing. You'll stumble across small things that mske you happy. Hold to those things. Do them more. And make yourself do the crappy things less. You might actually get a foothold on happiness in the process.

In the end, it's really just math and adding up more positive numbers than negative ones.

Julie said...

JR, I'm sorry you're going through all the hell (and sorry to be late in reaching out...I'm on the road a lot lately and miss much). Jason's advice above is awesome. Also, if you need to vent, feel free to e-mail me, too. Thinking of you.