3/16/11

Fixodent, the Sleet Lady, & Ivan Prokopchuk

While walking my dog along the shoulder of a busy road Saturday morning, I saw a mini-van in a deep ditch, parallel parked, its doors kissing the ravine, its windows caked with dry mud—a telltale sign that it had been there overnight. Don’t ask me why, but I thought I’d get a little closer, investigate, checkout the damage.

Then I saw movement inside and had to get involved. So I extended the dog leash while lowering myself down the embankment. I tapped on the driver’s side window. “Are you okay in there?” The driver, an elderly woman (probably in her early 70’s, I’m not good with ages) lifted her head from the steering wheel and managed to crack the door. “You okay?” I asked.

I had difficulty understanding her because her dentures kept popping out of her mouth and she kept pushing them back in with each slurred syllable. I think she said something about a “tow truck” and “waiting.” Later, my wife, who is infinitely smarter when it comes to science, explained that alcohol dissolves Fixodent.

Anyway, as I climbed out of the muck, a vehicle pulled over and two women got out and approached me. I told them about the lady trapped inside, that I didn’t have a cell phone. They volunteered to make the necessary phone calls. Realizing that I had done my part as the first responder, I dismissed myself from the situation.

As I continued on my walk, I could hear sirens in the distance and knew that everything was under control.

Today’s photograph is titled: “Harry Wentworth’s Stockcar, Owendale Speedway – 1975.” His son (leaning on the car) was the gun-toting kid in my flash memoir “The Trigger Man & His Accomplice” at Sleet Magazine. I’m the kid standing next to him. Speaking of Sleet Magazine, the Sleet Lady is back with a brand new Spring Issue coming up (click here ).

Lastly (but most important), Canadian Writer Ivan Prokopchuk checked himself into a hospital a few days ago. Hopefully he’ll be feeling better soon. Send your regards here .

7 comments:

Mona said...

JR! What happened to Ivan!

Charles Gramlich said...

I did not know that about alcohol and fixident. Glad the lady was OK.

Erik Donald France said...

Wow -- good one. I love that photo, too -- salud to Ivan, I'm walking that way now . . .

Anonymous said...

Thanks a lot for the mention, Jim.

I passed out in my apartment hallway last Friday, was rushed to hospital, was told that among a number of heavy ailments, I was severely anaemic.
They put me on oxygen and replaced all five quarts of my blood...Migod, does that qualify me as a character in a Charles Gramlich novel? :)
What was actually the case, I had been haemorrhaging blood into my stomach for some days until one day I looked down into the bowl, surprised to see nothing but blood there. I shrugged, thought it was the red wine I had drunk and thought nothing of it until I went out the door to promptly fall on my head. Weak!
They kept me in the hospital for four days, but after some testing, prodding and torture, by the docs, I suddenly realized I was a nicotine and alky addict. I had to get out that place for a drink and a smoke!
They said no way. Take the patch!
I explained:"No disrespect, Doctor, but Fuck you Patch Adams, I'm getting out of here!"

So with IV's, nurses and doctor chasing me, I escaped to my apartment here in town.
Durn, What are docs doing in the morality business?
"You have to come back," the nurse chided on the phone. "You have unresolved test issues."

I offered an explanation: "In all reverence-and I do respect you Ma'am-- fuck off.
"Four days without a cigarette or drink is UnChristian!"

So, chased by men in white coats I made for my apartment and am still holed up here.

The fact is, the hospital saved my life, but the unaddicted life is not worth living!

Anyway, here I am now, the fugitive from the smoke-free hell! What is the matter with the medical-industrial complex?

Ivan

JR's Thumbprints said...

Whoah! Ivan, I'm no expert; I misread the situation involving the lady in the ditch. Turns out she was diabetic and luckily (even thought I dismissed her as a "drunk") they rushed her into the hospital and saved her life. The LORD works in mysterious ways. I'm glad you're back and functioning the way you're comfortable funtioning. Amen!!!

JR's Thumbprints said...

Please excuse my Ivan-like typos, I've had a few.

Rick said...

Ivan- glad you're still among the living, and JR- you are still one of my favorite writers. Nice descriptions!