PRISON ETIQUETTE (with my indoor voice)

Why would a middle-aged white woman with minimal inmate contact, someone who collects the same amount of hazard pay as I, someone comfortable enough to prop her panty-hosed feet atop her desk and take personal phone calls, why would such a woman, as able-bodied as she is, if not opinionated per se, why would such a woman do the chicken-walk down the corridor and announce to the corrections officer standing at the podium: “Tomlinson’s students are out of control.”

First of all, I’m on my ten-minute break—that segment of time between classes where teachers handle their “business.” THEIR “BUSINESS,” in case you’ve forgotten, in case you thought I had superhuman powers, is called: NUMBER 1 and/or NUMBER 2.

Second of all, my students are no longer my students when they’re not in my classroom; they’re just convicted felons doing whatever convicted felons do when in the corridor.

Third of all, never ever attach my name, or any other coworker for that matter, to a problem I/They did not inherit. Single out the perpetrators disrupting your “pre-release” session, ask for their identification cards (nine times out of ten they will do the chicken-walk in a different direction) and write them misconduct tickets.

Better yet, how about this: SAY NOTHING, DO NOTHING. There are security cameras in the hallways recording the prisoners’ actions. Intervention is a radio-call away. Leave the problem solving to the uniformed professionals. I’m not trying to be insensitive; it’s just that when you say “my students are out of control” others start thinking my classroom management skills are declining.

I apologize for the rant; I'm just a convict-teacher in survival mode.